Remember Your Future, Not Your Past
When we have come so far we are certain transforming is the only option. We are not only exhausted, we are painfully hungry. We long not for physical food but for the daily bread of our creativity, our inward understanding of who we are and why we are here. We have no choice but to fall upon our knees at the altar of life like beggars at a soup kitchen and ask what is available, for we no longer can even remember what is necessary.
I sat on the threshing floor that was now the crossroads of my life, facing an imminent divorce that had to be, the spiritual and metaphorical death of life as I had allowed it and meditated upon who I was… What in the world has happened to me, is this what I want to celebrate as my life? What happened to the child who wanted to save the world? What happened to the courage of believing I could do anything? When did I trade the boisterous knowing in my voice for the muted version of a weak & frail being, the little match girl always begging another for a light.
Then, when we realize the great exchange (which clearly occurred with our consent) we find ourselves not only as slaves to a lesser life but we come to the harsh reality we were also the master who sold ourselves out to a life we settled for. We are shocked, we are angry and we finally take full accountability for giving away our power.
As we descend to our authentic nature, as we attempt to remember who we truly are, the old, and easy automatic ways of nourishing ourselves must be eliminated. They can no longer sustain us. Things of the world that used to feel like food, things and people we thought we had to have, lose their taste. Our goals no longer excite us. Our achievements no longer carry the weight they once did. Everywhere we look in the superficial top surface world, there is no food for us anymore.
And, because of our deep connection and ties to humanity, we cry at the hunger pangs of the world too. The things we once saw as stable, the building blocks of security as we knew it, no longer stand. So, it happens, the miracle of transformation, the sweetest and purest taste of love occurs when we are so defenseless because we have relinquished all else, help arrives, and it is right on time.
Our purposed spirit comes to minister to our wandering soul, to remind us who we are. It reminds us of the soil within us not to be simply moved around but to plant and to create. We shed the uncertainty of a mother who only can hear us weep and feel sorry for not speaking up for us. We lose the angst of never being enough for a father who didn’t know how to show his emotions. We decide it is time to leave the false self we birthed in favor of resurrecting who we must become. We begin allowing our intuitive and beautiful wild soul to teach us and bring to mind who we have always been. We dare to cross the moat from the land of the artificial living to the lush forest that becomes the battleground for taking back our life, for us, for the world. We welcome the initiation and rite of passage with open arms. No longer looking upon ourselves as a helpless child but realizing we are an extension of the passion of the divine fire ignited within coupled with the strength of the emotional masculine longing to penetrate us. We realize the treasure hidden deep in our soul and our longing to express ourselves that can no longer be arrested but must be set free.
We become a creature of knowing, fortitude and grit. With fervor we begin understanding we must nourish ourselves with nature — our
“living” brothers and sisters — with our instinct to seek what our hearts long to enjoy. We allow ourselves to be kissed and caressed not by another but by creator through the present moment, through the one sincere voice of truth, through the sifting of those we will allow to share space with us.
This inner nourishing blesses our life. We feel the well that has remained dry for too long finally begin to spring forth. In only a matter of time, it will bubble over. This spring is not to end our suffering rather it is to remind us of all that is within us to sustain us, to provide for us, to soothe us when we hurt. We become our one wild and beautiful soul.
No longer looking to other, to mother or father, to our children, to our life’s “accomplishments” — we come to know the wondrous and momentous truth that we are enough and that we must allow ourselves to be, to function in the talents and gifts that bring us joy, or we will cease knowing who we are. We will look in the mirror and not recognize our own reflection.
We are certain of not only our destination now, but our destiny. As we accept the invitation to dine at the table life, as we prepare the offering for humanity that only we can offer, we realize exactly what is before us. We have accepted a different palate. We are being trained in discernment. We begin to understand what we allow ourselves to be fed is eventually what we ourselves become. And what we have allowed ourselves to eat before has been the processed food of the world at large. To dine on the lies, the negativity and the propaganda of people who never belonged in our lives or in our community cannot and will not do anymore.
